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Slop From The Pops: UK Pop Chart 01.02.05
i promised a new feature in which i will be delving in to the British pop scene a little more deeply and this is it. i've decided the best way for me to explore this area of music is to jump right in and listen to the weekly chart show thanks to BBC Radio 1 and its' online streaming content. this first week i will provide a rundown of the entire Top 40, along with comments and thoughts that pop up while listening. in the future, however, i'll simplify this to just running down the Top 10 along with general comments and individual comments on only the newcomers to that week's chart. i'm aware of people who already do these sorts of chart rundowns each week, but i thought that i would learn more by jumping into the game myself. readers might also find interest in what an American rather detached from daily British pop culture has to say about the pop charts. so i hope you will take some time and dig through the pop slop with me.

40. "sunday morning" - maroon 5 (last week's position: 36)
this is not at all horrible, but neither is it "This Love" though. decent, snappy little tune although it's not quite as jazzy and "funky" as i'm sure the band likes to think they are. this is far more decent than a John Mayer single, but nothing that i would expose myself to in great amounts.

39. "kilamangiro" - babyshambles (38)
the "shambles" in the band name is quite appropriate, as it seems like this song is constantly on the verge of breaking down completely. i like this song just fine though, as that sloppy sort of sound that the Libertines perfected is something i have always dug. its certainly more than i expected from Mr. Doherty at this point, but it leaves me to wonder just how much longer he and his former band can milk the tabloid exposure for lyrical inspiration.

38. "sad and lonely" - secret machines (new entry)
this is good stuff right here, as i'm loving the fuzzed out guitars that form the foundation of this song. lyrically this is nothing special, but this band is terrific at creating an intimidating sonic bed on which they can layer some sweet hooks and melodies. this is a much more accessible form of the scuzzy rock created by bands like Dead Meadow. and i mean that as a compliment.

37. "get me outta here" - jet (new entry)
this is, what, the nineteenth single from this 2003 album? right, it just seems that way. milk it boys, milk it. this is another hard-rocker from the boys down under, but not quite as obvious of an AC/DC rip-off as "Cold Hard Bitch". still, as far as classic rock homages go, i rather like this song as i did much of the album. they're sick of the man, because the man is a thief. and its not like Jet would know anything about theft, would they? nudge nudge wink wink.

36. "i have forgiven jesus" - morrissey (28)
just a snippet of this song from Wes this week, but that's alright as this is my least favorite of the Quarry singles thus far. it just strikes me a little too much as Moz by the numbers, if you know what i mean. "First of the Gang to Die" and "Irish Blood, English Heart" were both exciting to me because they weren't at all what i was expecting at this point, but this just seems like Moz on autopilot.

35. "my prerogative" - britney spears (re-entry)
this is, eh, alright i suppose. if she really wanted to go the cover route, i wish she could have picked something a little more surprising - this choice just seems to be a tad too obvious. the production is decent, but it doesn't really seem to be pushing the envelope at all. it certainly is no "Toxic", but really... what is?

34. "radio gaga" - electric six (34)
very disappointed not to hear all of this track, as i remember quite liking it when i heard it the first time. i don't know that i would have thought of it before, but it this is a completely perfect choice of covers for the Six. i'd much rather hear them cover all of Queen's hits than hear whatever this rumored reunited Queen has to put forth. i did love this original as a kid, so maybe that's why a straightforward cover doesn't offend me much.

33. "baby it's you" - jojo f. bow-wow (39)
this one is an interesting single, and by "interesting" i mean "crap". her first single wasn't bad, but i'm not finding anything redeeming about this one. your basic overdone teen pop semi-ballad, minus many points for forcing us to hear Bow Wow rap about groupies. shudder.

32. "you knows i love you" - goldie lookin' chain (25)
hmm, this is my first exposure to the GLC and i can't say that i am very impressed. it is a mildly funny take on all the love-rap singles put forth by Ja Rule and the like, but i don't see this being worth any repeated listenings. that voice on the chorus is quite annoying, almost as grating as the Pee Wee laugh in "Just Lose It".

31. "just can't wait (saturday)" - 100 percent f. jennifer john (35)
let me just get this out of the way now, i'm really not at all a fan of this type of what i call Eurodance stuff and i'm going to be just a little bit biased against it. but, hell, thats what this blog is all about - putting forth my bias towards the music i interact with. anyway, this song just emphasizes what i dislike most about this genre - the overly generic and bland vocal hooks that do absolutely nothing for me. i might have liked this quite well as an instrumental, as that little Stardust sample has kept me from throwing my computer in annoyance, but as it is i just can't get into this track.

30. "curtain falls" - blue (37)
we just get a small snippet of this one as well, and it sounds like i am missing nothing. i thought Blue was a joke band after i saw the reference in Love Actually, so imagine my surprise when i found out they actually existed. but from this sample, i can't imagine them sounding much different from what i imagined a fictional British boy band to sound like.

29. "room on the 3rd floor" - mcfly (29)
so this is what it sounds like when a British pop-punkster does his best impression of an American pop-punkster imitating the original punk sneer. egads, this is pretty crap. i think i'd much prefer listening to another Simple Plan single. see "Adam's Song" by Blink or that one song about suicide by Good Charlotte for a pop-punk "meaningful" ballad done right. that Beatles' "na-na-na-na" singalong near the end almost saves it. wait, no.... no it doesn't. next.

28. "irish son" - brian mcfadden (23)
this really isn't too bad of a song here, not for the white boy rediscovering his roots via pop song variety anyway. i actually like is voice and it seems like he can carry a tune, this makes it much more enjoyable than a Clay Aiken tune for example. this whole song, though, sort of reminds me of what U2 might have sounded like had they forgone the "indie rock band" route at the beginning and aimed for the top of the pops.

27. "vertigo" - u2 (24)
speaking of the devils, er, saviors if we were to ask Bono. anyway, this song needs nothing more to be said about it. in fact it doesn't need to be heard again either, and thankfully Wes spares us by playing just a snippet. thank Bono for small favors.

26. "the weekend" - michael gray (26)
hmmm, yeah... didn't we just hear a crap dance tune about looking forward to the weekend? they say repetition is a good learning tool, that is if you are four years old. well, i'm certainly not four and i didn't like this theme the first time around either. (pause for, you know, actually LISTENING to the song) nope, still didn't like it. next.

25. "ride it" - geri (29)
now this dance tune isn't much better, but it is a slight improvement on what we've heard on this week's chart. this one actually has a chorus that makes me want to continue listening, but the beat strikes me as rather generic. still, i don't see this one scaring me off the dancefloor... so, points for that.

24. "misunderstood" - robbie williams (22)
so Robbie goes all roots-rock on us here or something. this just doesn't sit right with me, i think it's the whole mixing of Robbie's upper crust vocals and the blues harmonica. he just can't pull off this country-soul thing, sorry. whatever happened to the wink and a nod suave Robbie? i miss him.

23. "dj/stop" - jamelia (30)
apparently jamelia is like the UK's answer to Beyonce, although she sounds a lot more like J-Lo on this one. yet ANOTHER song dedicated to the club DJ. what about a song for all the hardworking barbacks or bus boys out there? anyway, this isn't completely awful once you get past the subject matter. nothing special either though.

22. "obsession (si es amor)" - 3rd wish (26)
we get nothing more than a tiny snippet of this one, so not too sure what i think of it.

21. "my boo/confessions part ii" - usher (27)
so this time we get "My Boo", featuring the lovely Ms. Alicia Keys. this is probably my second favorite Usher single of 2004, right there behind "Burn". and yes, i am including the over-rated "Yeah" in this consideration. this one is very pretty and i think their voices work really well together. the part of the song that kills me everytime is when Usher jumps into the breakdown with his "oh my.... oh MY oh..." followed up with the falsetto "boo"s. love it.

20. "call on me" - eric prydz (21)
so another in the string of dance hits based on adult contemporary hits of the 1980s, which is fine if you like that sort of thing. i certainly don't, so i'm not finding this one special at all. if we are going to continue to mine the '80s for dance mix fodder, let's make with the Hall and Oates covers with a quickness. i think i could get behind that.

19. "just lose it" - eminem (17)
another song that i really don't have all that much to say about anymore, except that it's nowhere near as bad as everyone wants to make it out to be. and that it is probably one of Marshall's weakest singles yet, along with a very poor choice for lead single.

18. "car wash" - christina aguilera f. missy elliott (19)
this is a fun little ditty from a kids' movie so i can't knock on it too badly can i? sure i can. this really is a weak single considering the level of talent involved. Aggie partakes of her usual vocal gymnastics over a weak approximation of "funk", with a barely passable Missy verse tacked on at the end. i do, however, love the part where Missy calls this out as a Shark Tale exclusive. thats so necessary.

17. "numb/encore" - jay-z/linkin park (18)
now this isn't my favorite of the Jigga/LP mash-ups, but it really is a pretty good track. a lot of haters are knocking on this collab, but you can't go comparing this to Dangermouse's excellent work. i was prepared to hate this myself, given my feelings for LP, but i actually found myself enjoying the ride. you should too.

16. "lose my breath" - destiny's child (12)
now this, this is a single i can really get excited about. i love the marching drum beat and the well-placed horn hits. the drill sergeant cadence of Beyonce's vocals are wonderful as well, turning this into one of those rare pop songs that does exactly what the title implies - mainly leaving one feeling short of breath by the time its over. quite a strong return for the DC3.

15. "i got you babe" - bo selecta (8)
i really don't understand the frequency with which these novelty hits appear on the British charts, especially around Christmas. maybe if i was more in tune with British culture i would find this funny, but as things stand i find it utterly worthless. next.

14. "pow! (forward)" - lethal bizzle (11)
is this supposed to be British crunk? i'd imagine this could be an excellent example of the grime movement if it were given a little more time to develop. maybe this works as a TV theme song or in some other context for people with no attention spans, but as a pop single i don't think it works.

13. "drop it like it's hot" - snoop dogg f. pharrell williams (16)
ahh, now this right here is another great single. see? i don't hate everything. prior to this song i was fearful that the spectacularness that was Neptunes-produced rap singles was over, but this one single alone proves that the well has not run dry yet. this is laid-back, confident, pimptastic Snoop at his strongest. there are just so many things right with this track that it should prove to the kiddies just what made Snoop so damn fascinating in the first place.

12. "i'll stand by you" - girls aloud (9)
i absolutely adore Girls Aloud, and this single just give me more reason to do just that. it's really not much more than a standard ballad cover, but the way the harmonized chorus kicks in after the traded verses gets me every time i hear it. every now and then i find myself a sucker for a sappy love balled, and this one fits me perfectly. bravo ladies.

11. "what you waiting for" - gwen stefani (14)
i quite like this one as well, although its taken some time to grow on me. nothing quenches quite like a meta pop single about the struggle to write a pop single. this could have been a miserable failure, but the pounding beat goes miles and miles towards making this a hot track. it also helps that Gwen's vocals are sounding more fresh and enticing than they have in years. i never thought that lyrics like "take a chance you stupid ho" would be ones that worm into my head, but they certainly have.

10. "unwritten" - natasha bedingfield (10)
i'm finding myself going back and forth on this one, which i guess makes it a completely average single in the end. the lyrics are uplifting, perhaps just a little but too Hallmark, but its nice to hear a single about something other than dancing or sex. i can't help but feel, though, that this could have been much better with just a little extra effort put into the production. as it is, i'm feeling left a little cold. the beat itself is a little underwhelming, as is the addition of the choir halfway in. i suppose you don't want to overshadow your star vocalist though.

9. "tilt ya head back" - nelly f. christina aguilera (15)
this is much better than the Aggie Shark Tale single, but miles away from being a compelling pop track. a great beat is pretty much wasted with Nelly's half-assed rapping over the top. it worked for "Over and Over Again" because that was a ballad, but this is a club banger for Christ sakes... bring out the excitement.

8. "if there's any justice" - lemar (5)
what's this, Seal? this really is a mediocre R&B track, that's for sure. which is a pity, because it sounds like Lemar has one hell of a set of pipes on him. i wonder what he could pull off with a motivated production team and a hot beat. i'm picturing something pretty spectacular featuring Twista and a Red Spyda beat. seriously. i'll keep my ear out for more from Lemar, but i certainly hope it grabs me more than this one did.

7. "out of touch" - uniting nations (13)
remember what i said about these horrid 80's dance covers? yeah, and that still stands. next.

6. "boulevard of broken dreams" - green day (7)
nice to see a rock track this high on up the chart, especially when its as deserving of the position as this song is. Green Day has come back strong with this new album, and i think the choice of singles thus far has been superb. i know this track's similarity to "Wonderwall" has been pointed out all over the place, but i think its no longer a valid concern once the full density of the chorus kicks in. its great to see the band get some public love after the last album was criminally overlooked.

5. "you can do it" - ice cube f. mack 10 & ms. toi (6)
i'm not sure exactly why this is making such a big splash on the UK chart at this point, because its been floundering here in the States for some time now. it honestly is a better track than i would have expected from Cube at this point, but he's still a long way from hanging his club bangers in the hall of quality with Luda and Fiddy.

4. "father and son" - ronan keating & yusuf islam (3)
really this is exactly the kind of song that threatens to turn me off of pop music altogether. i'm really struggling to make it through even one listen of this crap. don't me wrong, Yusuf had some decent tunes back when he went by Cat, but this is well past its expiration date. sometimes people just try way too hard.

3. "i believe in you" - kylie minogue (4)
this is by far my favorite song on the chart right now, another excellent slice of pop perfection from Ms. Minogue. the production help from the Scissor Sisters really shows here, adding just enough to style to really help the melody float through. it would be wonderful if Madonna could come up with something even half this great in 2005, but i'm not going to hold my breath. for now, though, i will happily accept this.

2. "do they know its christmas?" - band aid 20 (1)
at least the end of the Christmas season means this one will be slowly sliding off the charts. we all know this was both crap and completely unnecessary, so i will leave it at that. next.

1. "against all odds" - steve brookstein (2)
so we have a new number one this week, and its nothing at all to get worked up over. at least its not a horrid dance cover, but after last year's far superior Postal Service version i really can't take this too seriously. apparently this guy was some reality show winner, but that really means nothing. i mean, all American Idol has produced so far is one good Kelly Clarkson single and a whole lot of crap.

so, thats it for this week. i promise next weeks coverage to be much shorter as i spend most of my time on the new entries. thanks for joining me.