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Slop From The Pops: UK Pop Chart 03.27.05
this week we have many exciting questions waiting to be answered... will Tony Christie continue his stranglehold on the number one spot and the hearts of people across the UK? does Will Smith still have any star power in the music world? will G4 claim their rightful position at number one with another ill chosen cover? will Conor Oberst chart ahead of 50 Cent? ok, so maybe not... but let's take a look anyway, shall we?

40. "numb/encore" - jay-z/linkin park (last week's position: 37)

39. "too cold" - roots manuva (new entry)
the second single off this British rapper's latest album features a string sample and sing-along chorus that's slightly reminiscent of Eminem's stuff. the Marshall comparison becomes even more apparent when you realize he's taking the Em route of creating a personal song about his insecurities and dealings with fame. of course he's nowhere near as fluent on the mic as Marshall is, but this isn't all that bad of a track. i'm really not enjoying this one as much as i enjoyed "Colossal Insight".

38. "over my shoulder" - i am kloot (new entry)
another casualty of the new show format.

37. "first day of my life" - bright eyes (new entry)
and Conor Oberst breaks the Top 40 with this single, taken from the more roots-oriented album of the two he released back in January. this is a simple, acoustic-driven track about being in love and realizing the bright future ahead to be had with that special someone. lucky for us he shuts down his pretentious side in this song, allowing us to focus on the beautiful melody and upbeat lyrics. it really is a sweet little track, showcasing just how damn good he can be when he wants to be. songs like this are what makes me a fanatic for Conor, because when he's on - he is really on.

36. "she's not you" - elvis presley (3)
35. "caught up" - usher (26)
34. "wake me up" - girls aloud (23)
33. "little sister" - queens of the stone age (18)

32. "edible flowers" - finn brothers (new entry)
just a short teaser of what results when Crowded House and Split Enz unite! sort of.

31. "how we do" - the game f. 50 cent (24)
30. "hush" - ll cool j (21)

29. "volcano" - damien rice (new entry)
Damien's got a great voice and the arrangement of this song is really nice, definitely not your usual acoustic pop ballad. the strings and the off-kilter rhythm of the strumming add quite a bit to this track, making for an enjoyable listen. the problem is that i'm pretty sick of this song, as it has been in just about every romantic movie trailer in the States over the past eighteen months. i think Damien is one of those guys that is good in small doses, but not somebody i could listen to frequently. he's a great deal better than John Mayer though, so i won't complain too much.

28. "give me your love" - xtm & dj chucky PTS annia (new entry)
yet another format change casualty, and it doesn't sound like a big loss.

27. "do somethin" - britney spears (19)
26. "keep this fire burning" - beverley knight (16)

25. "oh yeah" - the subways (new entry)
more British garage rock, although its about two years late to make that much of an impact. not that its really a wonderful song or anything, in fact it's pretty unspectacular. this really sounds like a tepid re-write of Jet's ?Are You Gonna Be My Girl?, which means there's absolutely nothing original about it. there is a jaunty little bassline though, if i was caught in the right mood i might actually bounce along to this. by the end of the track I find myself actually nodding my head along, but feeling absolutely guilty for doing it. is this like the garage rock version of Seven Mary Three?

24. "bohemian rhapsody" - g4 (9)
23. "holiday" - green day (11)
22. "dakota" - stereophonics (12)

21. "club foot" - kasabian (new entry)
apparently this single from last May gets re-issued, although I'm not really sure why. maybe to capitalize on the band's recent press and relative success in the United States. it fails to chart higher than the original release, as that one stalled out at 19. it's a pretty good song though, from an album with some absolutely killer singles and some ill-advised filler.

20. "stars to fall" - cabin crew (14)
19. "back to basics" - shapeshifters (10)

18. "it ended on an oily stage" - british sea power (new entry)
this is my first time hearing British Sea Power, and i have to say that this is not at all what i expected them to sound like based on all the press i've read. this song sounds a little too close to the Travis template for my comfort, although it's a tad bit better than most anything that band released (save "Rain on Me"). i guess i was just expecting something a little more raw and unfocused than this, not a slick radio ready mid-tempo ballad. it's not a horrible single, as the guitar work is pretty admirable and the lyrics aren't nearly as cheese-tastic as a Keane or Coldplay ballad. i won't dismiss the band solely because of this single, but i'm really not encouraged to seek out more by them. any of you BSP fans able to recommend something a little more telling? hit me up in the comments.

17. "california" - phantom planet (15)
16. "locked up" - akon (17)

15. "don't say you love me" - erasure (new entry)
here we have the second single off the new album, and again i'm surprised with how strong this is. the vocals are as strong and melodic as they have ever been, working really well in tandem with the music. based on the last two singles, i'd say that Erasure has not lost a step since their heights well over a decade ago. very few bands in 2005 could pull off a synth-based ballad like this without coming off as completely cheesy or ironic, but Erasure manages such a feat with even a touch of class.

14. "get right" - jennifer lopez (13)

13. "no sleep tonight" - faders (new entry)
this is a really catchy tune here, a female fronted new-wave group that owes a heavy debt to bands like Blondie and The Go-Go's. a really nice bassline, handclaps, and tambourine help this tune bounce along into the awesomely rockin' chorus. it loses steam a little during the police siren breakdown, but picks things back up before storming through to the conclusion. i've never heard of this band before and i can't seem to find anything about them on allmusic, but my interest is piqued. after the track we learn that its an all-female band and that they are working on a debut album to come out shortly, i'll be checking that one out for sure.

12. "oh my gosh" - basement jaxx (8)
11. "they"- jem (6)
10. "over and over" - nelly & tim mcgraw (7)
9. "falling stars" - sunset strippers (5)

8. "shiver" - natalie imbruglia (new entry)
it's about time we heard something new from the unbelievably lovely Ms. Imbruglia, whom you probably remember from her cover of ?Torn? from the late '90s. this isn't nearly as good as that slice of pop heaven was, but this isn't terrible either. not that i was expecting huge things from her, but in terms of simple pop tunes this is pretty solid. her voice sounds as good as it did years ago and she manages to carry this one off really well - i'm suitably impressed.

7. "rich girl" - gwen stefani f. eve (4)

6. "switch" - will smith (new entry)
well 2005 sees a new Will Smith movie ushered in with a new pop-rap single and album, sigh. except, wait a minute, this song is actually pretty decent. the Dirty South inspired stomp of the beat works really well with the call-and-response of the chorus. lyrically its pretty much the same old Will Smith, rapping about how to do his new dance and basically about how awesome he is. once you get over your expected bias against a new Will Smith track, you're left with a decently enjoyable and danceable pop-rap track. the only thing i can hope for now is a full-fledged DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince reunion.

5. "return to sender" - elvis presley (new entry)
this week we finally get to one of my all-time favorite Elvis tracks, and it manages to chart at only number five. i just don't get it, this is like Elvis at his absolute best. never before (or since) had a track about getting ditched by a lover been so much fun. the sax, the backing harmonies, the use of the word ?quarrel? in a pop tune ? it all adds up to one great novelty song. if all of his reissues were as good as this one i might not complain about a more deserving song losing a chart position to it. but honestly, of all the Elvis reissues not to hit number one - why this?

4. "candy shop" - 50 cent (new entry)
i really don't understand the appeal of this song at all, nor do i get why it's taking the charts on both sides of the Atlantic by storm. this is easily the worst single Fiddy has released so far, nothing but a lame rewrite of ?Magic Stick? without the saving grace of Lil' Kim. the twisted, Middle Eastern sounding sample is about the only worthwhile part of the entire song. i suppose people are just more comfortable with a familiar sounding track, but the success of this one continues to baffle me. as it is, there are about five or six other tracks on this album more deserving of a top five spot than this one.

3. "all about you" - mcfly (2)

2. "let me love you" - mario (new entry)
this placing at number two means we've got yet another week of Tony Christie at number one. seriously, sometimes you Brits frustrate the living hell out of me ? how can you let a crap novelty like that sit at the top of the charts for two weeks? anyway... let's focus on the song at hand, which is a completely mediocre R&B ballad in which Mario tries to out-Usher Usher and predictably fails. his voice is good enough and the production is pretty solid, but nothing strikes me as particularly memorable about this tune. overall i have to say that this week has been pretty lackluster as far as new entries, just browse over the list again and I'm sure you will agree. let's hope next week brings us something a little more exciting.

1. "(is this the way to) amarillo" - tony christie f. peter kay (1)