Mar 10, 2005

Slop From The Pops: UK Pop Chart 03.06.05
well, this is the first week of the new JK & Joel hosted Official Chart Show. and i'm severely disappointed in this turn of events. i posted a bit about it yesterday, so i'm going to try not to dwell on the negatives here, but i'm still pissed that not all chart entries will get played any more. so you will notice that this week there are quite a few new entries that will have no commentary from me, those are the ones that didn't get played. some of the ones that didn't get played i have heard before from other sources, so i will throw a line in for those. but if there's no commentary underneath a particular new entry - its because fucking BBC Radio 1 is trying to destroy the pop charts. ok ok, i'm done ranting... on with the show...

40. "black horse and the cherry tree" - kt tunstall (last week's position: 28)
39. "angel eyes" - raghav (25)
38. "sunrise" - angel city (23)

37. "come into my room" - nathan (new entry)
we actually get to hear this whole song, but i gladly would have traded this one for almost any of the other new entries. this is your standard “sex you up” R&B track, with a really mediocre “rap” halfway through. it's all very blah, nothing at all interesting or worth another listen. ladies, do you really feel complimented by the “Coca-Cola bottle shape” line?

36. "wires" - athlete (32)
35. "keine lust" - rammstein (new entry)
34. "surrender" - elvis presley (19)
33. "marie's the name (his latest flame)" - elvis presley (3)
32. "the joker" - fatboy slim (new entry)
31. "triumph of a heart" - bjork (new entry)
30. "don't" - shania twain (new entry)

29. "daft punk is playing at my house" - lcd soundsystem (new entry)
this doesn't get played beyond 10-15 seconds during which the moron hosts talk over it, which should be against the fucking law. you must respect the Soundsystem! but seriously, yeah, this song is outstanding. if you've followed LCD Soundsystem at all over the past couple years you are well aware of the level of awesomeness they have achieved on singles such as "Losing My Edge" and "Yeah". well, this song is the first track from the debut full-length and it doesn't disappoint in the least. very fun disco-punk tune all about, you guessed it, Daft Punk coming to perform at the singer dude's house. whats not to love about it? especially when it can make your ass shake like this beat can.

28. "galvanize" - chemical brothers (27)
27. "sometimes you can't make it on your own" - u2 (18)

26. "electron blue" - r.e.m. (new entry)
this is another one that gets the shaft from the BBC this week, but its not that big of a loss. in case you haven't heard, the new R.E.M. album is really mediocre. some might call it downright awful, but i hold too much loyalty to the band from my early years to say that much. but it is pretty boring and unmemorable. having said that, this is probably my favorite track off the album - which is kinda like saying its the least stinky sock in the laundry basket, but whatevs.

25. "numb/encore" - jay-z/linkin park (21)
24. "out of touch" - uniting nations (22)
23. "soldier" - destiny's child f. t.i. & lil wayne (17)

22. "typical me" - kano (new entry)
this is a really hot combination of the UK grime sound with the US crunk sound, and it works extremely well. Kano spits his rhymes over a Lil-Jon influenced beat, with a rigid drumbeat and metal guitar riffs. i don't find Kano as great of a lyricist as Dizzee Rascal or Wiley, but he has a more easy-going flow that works great with this type of beat. i'm glad that Radio 1 blessed us with this whole song, too bad they couldn't for that awesome LCD Soundsystem song that you all need to check out (seriously, i'm gonna keep bringing it up until you do).

21. "need to feel loved" - reflekt f. delline bass (14)
20. "let's get blown" - snoop dogg f. pharrell williams (13)
19. "hounds of love" - the futureheads (8)

18. "lift me up" - moby (new entry)
this is the first single from the bald one's latest album, and much like the last several singles i'm really not feeling it. he's thankfully moved away from the sound he milked throughout Play and 18 to such huge commercial success, with this single sounding closer to his early more dance-oriented work. it's not bad, and nowhere near as AOR as the last two albums have been, but it's still lacking that certain something that reaches out and grabs you. towards the end it fades into dance cliché, with the diva vocals kicking in and carrying it towards the conclusion. it's not horrible, it's not great, it's just Moby.

17. "like toy soldiers" - eminem (12)

16. "heartbeatz" - styles & breeze f. karen danzig (new entry)
and we move into this week's dance anthem new entry, and it's much like the others – nothing that's getting me excited. i do like Karen's voice much better than your average dance dive, but i swear i've heard this beat on 13 different dance tracks this year. let's try something a little new, shall we dance producers?

15. "almost here" - brian mcfadden & delta goodrem (15)
14. "caught up" - usher (9)
13. "don't play nice" - verbalicious (11)
12. "how we do" - the game f. 50 cent (10)
11. "oh my god" - kaiser chiefs (6)
10. "wake me up" - girls aloud (4)
9. "hush" - ll cool j (7)
8. "locked up" - akon (5)

7. "an honest mistake" - the bravery (new entry)
i really, really want to hate this song, mostly for reasons that are completely unrelated to the music itself. for those of you who don't know this bands backstory – apparently up until very recently most of the members were part of a ska band called Skabba the Hut. once the new-wave retro sound of bands like Franz Ferdinand hit it big, the guys went for a new look and sound. this type of thing really frustrates me, i'd much rather hear from a band who is honest about the music they make. upon my first listen to this song, it just struck me how “bandwagon” it sounded, before i even knew anything about the band. but, when all is said and done, it's a pretty damn catch tune. it's not even in the same league as a “Mr. Brightside” or a “Take Me Out”, but it's decent enough that i don't mind hearing it. i will say this though, it will be a crime if these guys make it bigger in the States than the Kaiser Chiefs, which pretty much guarantees it'll happen.

6. "do somethin" - britney spears (new entry)
so Britney's period of rest doesn't last very long, and she's back with this pretty hot single. the beat is all fat and rubbery, pulsating behind Brit as she borrows a page from Gwen Stefani's book on vocal tricks. the little touches here are excellent, like that wobbly synth line and static scratching that kicks in during the song's bridge. the lyrics are pretty lousy though, and her voice seems to lack that certain sexy little something that made tracks like “I'm a Slave 4 U” and “Toxic” work so well. it almost sounds as if she thinks a hot beat will be enough to carry her through this time, not spending too much time worrying about her vocal performance. in the end it's a decent single for Brit, but she needs to push a little harder next time.

5. "get right" - jennifer lopez (2)

4. "star to fall" - cabin crew (new entry)
this is another in the line of modern dance tracks based on 80's hit songs, this one being “Waiting For a Star to Fall” by Boy Meets Girl from 1988. you may not recognize the artist name, but trust me – you've heard this song before. as far as this new version, it's pretty much a big pile of pure Velveeta cheese, but it's harmless and fun cheese. i imagine it's a song that i would grow tired of very quickly, but not bad for a quick shot of fun when you need it.

3. "rock-a-hula baby" - elvis presley (new entry)
and more Elvis again, this time with a novelty hit about a hula girl. and, yes, its about as crap as you might expect it to be. although i have to admit liking the sexual innuendo he uses when he sings about her “moving that grass around”, very classy. there's really not much else to say about this one, just a short little crap tune that Elvis probably used to shill one of his movie appearances, but at least it was over quickly.

2. "over and over" - nelly & tim mcgraw (1)

1. "dakota" - stereophonics (new entry)
the 'phonics hit number one for the first time in their career with this single, a bombastic slice of epic pop in the U2 vein. except it's quite a bit better than the majority of recent U2 singles, mostly because it doesn't really try too hard to be something it's not. everything about this from the tempo shift in the chorus to the earnest vocals to the reverb-laden guitar screams out “epic pop tune”, and there's really nothing wrong with that. i guess i just like it when a band isn't afraid to throw everything they've got into a track like this, i'm hearing more passion in this song than in most everything they've done before. maybe “passion” isn't what you look for in your pop music, but sometimes it really works and this is one of those times. this is by no means a classic song for the ages or anything, but it makes a nice contrast to all the trendy new-wave rock and urban tracks blanketing the charts. i'm feeling happy that an old-fashioned, earnest rock song can hit the number one slot.

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